


Bad Romance Novel Meme

by Caia (Caius)



Category: DCU - Comicverse, Marvel 616
Genre: Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-06
Updated: 2007-04-06
Packaged: 2017-10-22 16:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/240200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caius/pseuds/Caia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Comment with a fandom, character, pairing, or crossover event and I'll respond with a title, summary, (and possibly an excerpt) for the Bad Romance Novel inspired by it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Scaling the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So fierce and implacable, they called her The Wall--but inside her beat the heart of a woman! Will the lovable Aussie rogue "Digger" Harkness be the one to find it?

Excerpt:

He stared deeply into Amanda's soulful eyes. This, he knew, was no ordinary shiela. Such force! Such bulk! Such power!

Amanda's eyes passed over him briefly. "You know your positions, troops. Boomerbutt? You listening, or do I have to get Lawton to hit you over the head again?"

She'd noticed him! "Yeah, yeah, listening." It was important not to seem *too* eager. "Bloody *beautiful* bike," he muttered under his breath.


	2. So Far From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After he lost his family and home planet, J'onn never thought he could love again. When his friend King Arthur of Atlantis loses his own wife and kingdom, can J'onn gain comfort in providing it? Could two broken men even find...love?

Excerpt:

J'onn was startled out of mediation by the sudden appearance of his friend. He immediately resumed his human form--even in front of the humans he was closest to, he did not feel comfortable revealing his true self.

"Arthur?" he asked. "Are you all right?"

Arthur didn't look it. His shirt was gone, exposing his well-muscled chest, and his usually well-kept blond hair was long and wild. His face showed rage and pain.

J'onn, who had started to become aware of earth beauty was more-than-usually aware of how handsome he was, even in his pain: not green and lithe like his former wife, but a manly beauty such that he'd only seen on Earth.

"Atlantis is destroyed. Mera is dead."


	3. Fire and Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Namor is the hybrid son of land and sea, driven to avenge his mother's people on his father's. Jim Hammond is a creation of science, sworn to defend the humanity he will never be a part of. Their backgrounds bring them into inevitable conflict, but will these two outcasts manage to find common ground--and even love? Or will the Nazis kill them first?

Excerpt:

Namor the Sub-Mariner stood proud and angry, his regal bearing speaking of generations of Kings and Queens of Atlantis. His trademark green speedo showed off his handsome body to full advantage, from his pointy ears down to the wings on his feet that signified his power of flight. His hybrid heritage had flowered into the full physical perfection of both races, while swimming against strong ocean currents and fighting fierce battles with land-dwellers had kept him in perfect form.

His personality, alas, was far less than perfect, as Jim Hammond was experiencing yet again. "I will *not*," he declared, "work with *you*. I may be allied with *some* of you surfacers, but only because others of them are *worse*. And *this* assignment, *this* which they presume to give *me*, Namor, the Avenging Son of Atlantis, is *beyond all endurance*."

Jim sighed. His own short life and experience had given him a taste of both the best and worst humanity had to offer, but had not, alas, given enough experience to deal with Namor effectively in any mode *other* than full-on battle.

And yet, as difficult as Namor was, Jim was starting to find his company...oddly pleasant. Not that would admit it.

"Look. I'm here for the same reason you are," he said, finally. "To fight the Nazis. And I will fight them alone if necessary, but I respect your fighting skill, and would like to have your assistance."

Namor smiled. It was a quite pleasant expression on him. "Well, then, if you put it that way. I must admit, you're not a bad fighter yourself."


	4. Final Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Hal Jordan's last stand, his last chance to redeem himself--and his last chance to rekindle lost loves.

Hal felt old and worn and ruined. After years of protecting the world, he had tried to save it; he had failed, and he had done the unforgivable in trying.

He'd done his best to make amends to old friends and lovers; but too many of them had been lost to him.

And most of all his Ollie, his Green Arrow, his friend and brother and conscience.

If they'd been together when Coast City had been destroyed, things might not have gone so badly.

If he hadn't fallen, Ollie might still be alive; he might have been able to protect him, Ollie might have been able to redeem him.

Visions flickered between him and the grave: he was too powerful now, too grief-stricken, to take care with less-fatal uses of his power. Visions of old times, when Ollie was young and innocent, when he showed Hal the world as he'd never seen it before.

Once more before Ollie's death, he'd tried to recapture that, but it hadn't worked; he'd done it wrong, he had fallen too far, and Ollie had rebuffed him.

Hal--*Parallax*, no longer Green Lantern, and he's not even sure he still deserves the name his parents gave him--shed green tears over Ollie's grave.

He'd brought a single red rose--a *real* rose, not at all a construct, or at least not one of his; a rose created by a real god, not a false one; a rose still blooming in the night.

Ollie would appreciate that. He liked things mundane, and he liked things romantic.

He put down the rose and then paused. There was one more thing he could do while he still lived, while he had *already* broken all the rules against playing God.

He called on his power, called to him a bit of DNA from the scene of Ollie's death, and his friend started forming before him--young and perfect, the way it was before things started to go wrong, for either of them.

Shiny hair, jaunty beard, silly hat that he loved so much; Robin Hood costume, the strong muscles of an archer; a quiver full of arrows that always held *just* what Ollie would need; and a long, strong green bow.

Hal's power built Ollie and caressed him from the inside out. He eyed his recreation and was satisfied.

All his friend needed was a soul, and Hal could sacrifice himself knowing that his love would live on.


	5. Whither thou goest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guy Gardner is the Greatest Green Lantern ever, handsome and brave and strong. A young member of the GL Corps, G'nort Esplanade G'neeshmacher falls madly in love with him. Will G'nort ever manage to impress Guy? Or will his persistent incompetence doom not only his love but his career?

Excerpt:

G'nort fussed at the sleeves of his dress. He'd asked his teammates in Justice League Antarctica how he might best impress his beloved Guy, and Major Disaster had suggested some nice earth clothing.

"Not nice like *these* people wear," the Mighty Bruce said, looking pointedly at the Clock King. "Go find yourself a nice suit. Or maybe a dress."

"Do you think he'd really like me better that way?"

"It could hardly *hurt*," commented Multi-Man, in an acerbic mood for the moment.

"Big Sir thinks a nice dress would be very pretty!"

G'nort had gone off to find a nice dress. He'd looked at several shops on Earth--well, in the windows anyway; they had signs in the windows saying "no dogs".

It was okay, though. He had ring-a-ding to make him something, in a nice green! Guy liked green.

G'nort was very pleased with his creation. Big puffy sleeves with lots of lace; the--what did they call the shirt part of the dress? G'nort knew there was some fancy Earth-word for that--anyway, it was cut low, he knew Guy liked *that*. And the skirt was long and round and flowing, with even *more* frills.

(He'd tried short and tight; he thought Guy might like that; but he fell over too many times.)

He was so excited he'd started drooling again. "Stop that," he commanded himself. At least the dress wouldn't be damaged--good thing he hadn't bought one after all!

When G'nort knocked on the New York Embassey door and asked for Guy, the one named Blue Beetle collapsed into a pile of giggles and called for Booster Gold. G'nort was pleased. Usually, they ran away as if they didn't *want* to see him.

When the noise finally brought him Guy, G'nort knew he had been a success.

He'd *never* made Guy speechless before.

Why, he didn't think many *other* people had either.


	6. Out of the Depths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When gorgeous World War II hero Steve Rogers was lost in a time not his own, billionaire playboy and part-time superhero Tony Stark took him into his house and helped him find a new family. When Tony loses himself in depression and alcoholism, can Steve help him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on IRON MAN v1 172, and its [cover](http://www.comics.org/issue/37599/cover/4/).

Excerpt:

The fire was burning, and not in a merely metaphorical sense. Steve needed to get Tony out fast, and the other man was in no condition to help him.

He scooped up the pajama-clad man and carried him out, hurriedly but carefully, onto the balcony. The mechanics were like those of many other rescues he'd performed over the years; but the meaning was like very few others.

He had little time for such reflections, but even like this, he was aware that Tony was gorgeous. His lush raven hair, usually so well-kept, was longish and bedraggled; his face was covered in stubble. Tony always looked oddly vulnerable outside of his armor; and now he even the smallest covering of the industrialist or the playboy. His feet were bare; his pajama top exposed half of his arms and was open most of the way down his chest. Since Tony'd guarded his secret so long, it had been but rarely he'd seen so *much* of the man; and without the carefully cultivated beauty of Tony Stark's playboy image, his natural beauty became all the more obvious.

Cap turned away from his reverie. This was not the time or the place. Later, maybe, perhaps; when the fire was put out and Tony had recovered.


	7. Fifty-Two Weeks of Love: An Anthology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The maxiseries 52--as a romance anthology!

INCLUDING:

"Love and Loss in Kahndaq": Teth-Adam is the the old and bitter--yet still handsome and strong--ruler of Kahndaq. Having lost his first wife and children, he now loves only his land: and rules it with a kind yet iron fist. Can a young woman named Adrianna Tomaz bring out the loving man within the cold ruler?

"All that Glitters": Michael "Booster Gold" Carter has been up and down on his life and love enough times to almost lose count, and he took the loss of his best friend and lover Blue Beetle especially hard. In a Metropolis without Superman, can he find success? In his rival Supernova, will he find love?

"Life after Sue": The love of Ralph Dibny's life is dead, and he wants her back. In a world where death is often temporary, will he be reunited with his beloved Sue? Or will he manage to move on?

"Daughters of Cain": Renee Montoya, ex-cop and Latina lesbian, has fallen into depression since losing her partner on the force, her job, and her girlfriend. Will her new straight friend, Vic "Question" Sage, and her old flame, Kate "Batwoman" Kane, help her find a new life and love?

"Heart of Steel": When Superman was dead, John Henry Irons stepped forward as Steel. Now that he is missing, he steps forward again--and comes right up against Lex Luthor. Will Steel manage to replace Superman in Lex's heart? Will he ever accept Lex--or will Lex settle for taking Steel's beloved niece, Natasha Irons, away from him?

"Far Away From You": Buddy Baker is lost in space with Princess Koriand'r and Adam Strange. Will Buddy manage to get back to his wife--or will the stranded threesome find comfort with each other?


	8. Love Beyond the Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Jesse used to be a thief known as the Trickster, but--when confronted dramatically with the price of his crimes in hell--he turned to enforcing the law instead. When a case with his old friend, Hartley Rathaway, the Piper, who has gone straight and come out as gay since they were thieves together, goes badly wrong, will the two former thieves find love and salvation together?

Excerpt:

"This is all your fault," Piper glared at Trickster.

"*My* fault?" James looked as innocent as he could manage--which was pretty innocent. Not that it fooled anyone, least of all his old friend.

"*Your* trick handcuffs, which *you* can't get open, attaching *us* together." Piper shook their joined hands fixedly. "Ergo, *your* fault."

"*You're* the one who asked me for help in the first place!" James glared. "Plus. If you hadn't played that locking tune at the *other* Rogues just as I took out the handcuffs, they wouldn't have locked like this!"

"Sure, blame it on me." Piper shook his head. "Well, now that *you've* let Cold get away, what are we going to *do* about this? Got any trick lockpicks for your trick handcuffs?"

"Not on me. I'm afraid we'll have to make the best of this." James grinned. "I guess we're just stuck together."

"Okay, now I'm starting to think you're doing this on *purpose*." Hartley glared.

"Don't flatter yourself. Even if you *are* kind of hot--even though with you're fashion sense, I'd swear you're straight."

"Oh you! You're one to talk about fashion, *Trickster*!"

"You're place or mine?"

Hartley sighed. "Mine. All my CDs are there."


	9. My Enemy, My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve "Captain America" Rogers is Helmut Zemo's ideal man--and his father's sworn enemy. Will Helmut choose to follow in his father's or look for peace and friendship--or even love? And even if he does, will Cap ever forgive him for what he and his father have done in the past?

Excerpt:

"Verdammt Amerika," the thirteenth Baron Zemo swore under his breath. "" And how handsome the man was: Helmut had been raised surrounded by the Aryan ideal of male beauty, and such an irony that the closest he'd come to finding it was in his enemy.

"Is this a private sulk, or can anyone join?" Fixer wandered in, tinkering as always with some of his broken machines--the last defeat at the hands of Captain America and his comrades had done a number on their equipment.

Helmut gave his friend a regal glare. Fixer just looked back, amused. "Private, I gather. I'll be off for a beer once I fix this; lemme know if you wanna join."

Helmut glared at the wall of the hideout. If only he, a Zemo, could go out for a beer--not with a mere peasant, however brilliant, like Norbert Ebersol of Dayton Ohio--but with a true warrior like der Kapitän Amerika. If only....

But Baron Zemo knew his duty. Time to come up with the next plan to Avenge his father and his ruined face; and to get closer, in combat if nothing else, to Captain America.


	10. The Power of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen Starr is a strong and buxom computer programmer with a bad temper and a mysterious past. Carol Ferris is a attractive, high-powered businesswoman with bad taste in men. Life brings them together seemingly by chance, but in each other, they may find the answers they seek.

Excerpt:

"The upgrades are finished on half of the company machines, Ms. Ferris, but it'll be a few more weeks before everything's ready for the security upgrades to the network to take effect," Karen reported.

She was entirely unlike what Carol had expected when hiring a computer consulting firm; nothing at all about Karen Starr 'geeky'. In fact, judging simply from her body, someone less opposed to gender stereotyping would have pegged her as a 'dumb blonde'; her shapely body was hardly concealed at all by her plain business clothes. It was more than that, though; Karen seemed only just barely constrained by her business clothes and her professional persona, as if at any moment she might burst out in anger or passion with something *wildly* inappropriate.

Carol didn't check out other women very often, but she found herself distracted from the discussion of what would be needed to equip Ferris' computer systems by the sight of Karen's breasts in her shirt; since she was sitting at her desk and Karen was standing, it was a very easy place to look.

Possibly she was being a little *too* obvious, though. Karen cleared her throat and glared, showing, perhaps, a little of the passion within. "So when can you get your employees away from their desks long enough for us to do the modifications?"

"Oh, yes. Will day after tomorrow be okay?" Carol cursed her distraction. Mixing business and personal relationships had *never* been a good idea for her, and there was no reason to start again.


End file.
